How to answer a question
Can you read my mind?In the past, many people I've talked to have been acting as if they can. I finally decided to write about my experience, since 1) it is related to languages and their usage in every-day life, and 2) I think the point is important and I can now write about it without provocating readers.
I continue my usual vision about life as in "Noble intentions" I wrote a lengthy time ago. This article is also quite personal, which is understandable since I've been touched, shall I even say hurt, because of the behaviour linked to questions and debate.
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Discussion etiquette
I've been thinking about the problems with questions (or actually people with answers) since I got involved in a literature analysis in high school. It was the English class and we were analyzing a book, the name of which I have already forgotten. I was just learning how to analyze and was somewhat insecure about my points (if I ever had any). Because of my embarrassment I hardly made any new points and would never strongly suggest any motifs for the main characters. I was an open question mark and my mind would say: blank.
That is why I asked a pure pure pure pure pure pure pure question. Nothing else but a question. Without intentions, without plans, without thoughts, without opinions. I cannot remember my question anymore but it was something like:
"Where can you actually see in this book that the author is a communist?"
My question was such, and as I just mentioned, this was the purest question you could imagine. I didn't know that people ask such questions when they actually would like to say:
"But come on, you cannot say the author was a communist, no way!!!"
So in the minds of my class mates, I had made a statement. And their reply to my 'point' was:
"You cannot say that he wasn't a communist, how do you think so? I mean, you can't find any evidence in the book. I so much disagree with you."
This was two years ago and still I feel I get so provoced when writing this. I was so angry about the fact that the actual meaning of question had so easily faded away and been replaced by assumptions that were not true. I had been naive thinking that you could ask any question (if not rhetorical!) and would have the right to get a fair reply.
From that moment on, I usually started my pure questions with phrases that reminded people of my lack of opinions.
"What I'm going to say now is a pure question. I really don't know about this topic so I would like to understand it. My question is, what..."
Despite all my attempts to make my questions sound like genuine questions, there was always someone who really read my mind. Someone always seemed to know what I had in mind. I felt I was living in the world where 'having no opinion' was not seen as a possibility.
I began thinking about questions and how they are used. I soon found out that questions are not questions anymore.
Indeed, questions are not questions anymore. What are they? They are statements, hidden opinions, careful hints and suggestions, thoughts and provocing phrases. They are meant to be difficult to see as statements, hidden and presented as innocent sentences, but in reality they are the smartest path to success in debate.
After having said this, it seems easy to me to understand why I got to furious replies to my pure question.
ETIQUETTE CONTINUES...
I am dreaming of questions that are real. I'm dreaming of the day when I can ask the following question:
Why is the Pope against abortion?
... and get replies such as:
"Because he thinks..."
"Based on the Bible..."
"There are some possible responses to your question..."
instead of replies I would get now:
"No he is not!"
"What makes you think that way?"
"That's to STUPID to say so! How dare you, are you in favor of it?"
I would love to get back to literature analysis classes and see a student like me sitting there. I would love to see how he/she raises her/his hand, asks a question and waits for a reply. I would love to see how his/her classmates calmly reply to the question, clearly clarify their viewpoints and present a wonderfully balanced view of the topic.
FINALLY
For most people, it would sound absurd if daily questions got some really 'over-assuming' replies:
"When is your school starting?" - "What makes you think I like school! You cannot say everyone should follow the norm of getting education!"
But for many people, it doesn't sound harsh to hear the following:
"Are there advantages for the Iraqi people when the US attacked Baghdad?"
-"Why are you in favour of the war?"
I made my point very clear. I love questions and I love answering them. I don't like analysing people's minds based on a pure question. I can never know what is in their minds and most importantly, I have no right to attack people that way. Curiosity is an essential characteristic and everyone should be encouraged to ask questions on anything. People who use questions as protection to express their opinion do so because they might not have the courage to say it straight. And I'm not blaming them since everyone has the right to be shy or careful or what ever. But would be nice to keep in mind that questions can be questions as well. Such questions need answers, not comments.
posted by Anicko @ 11:17 AM
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